i tried to sleep early today. tried to fall asleep so that i wouldnt have to think anymore. so that i wouldnt have to feel anything anymore. so that i could somehow just run away to dreamland. find the happiest dream there was and be contented. probably float away on some cloud if it was possible. but instead i wake up less than two hours later drenched in tears. people kept asking me how i am. thanks really but i guess i can answer it with one word. 

no. 

id love to tell you guys that it doesnt affect me. i have no idea why it does. according to logical thinking i shouldnt be hurting this badly. i shouldnt be.  i should just stop everything and continue my life. but it's hard.  it really is. 

i told you i didnt remember. i do. i try not to. i remember the tingles that i got in my tummy. the goosebumps that i got. that i remember. all too clearly. and those are the things i want to forget. the things that hurt the most. 

and it hurts YOU, you say? wow. 

those two words. those two words that told me that you still continued. knowing what she was doing. knowing that you wouldnt stop anytime soon.  i know you laughed when i told you what it did to me but seriously. just imagine all those. all that i said. and imagine. none of that would hurt me more. 

anyone who ever loved

could look at me and know that i loved you 

anyone who ever dreamed 

could look at me and know that i dream of you 

knowing i love you 

so anyone who had a heart 

would take me in his arms

and love me too 

you...  couldnt really have a heart 

and hurt me

like you hurt me and be so untrue

what am i to do 

every time you go away

i always say, this time it's good bye dear 

loving you the way i do

i take you back 

without you i'd die dear 

knowing i love you 

anyone who had a heart would love me

you couldnt really have a heart 

anyone who had a heart would surely take me in his arms and always love me

why wont you?

sitting in an empty room 

crying to myself in the dark.