i never should have. 

never ever ever. 

im just clinging on to hope. 

i guess. 

cause now thats the most i can do. 

coach asked me the most... (omg) 

critical question today. and after that.. 

im just like oh shit. srsly 

the answer is no. and yes i know. 

i WANT to move on. 

hell. god knows i need to. 

but its not easy. 

im screwed up. 

majorly. 

fuck.

yes sure. thanks. you're disappointed. 

sureeee. because for me, 

everything's just fan-fuckin-tastic right?

you think i dont WANT to? 

you think i ENJOY? 

you think i dont WANT to improve

and get better? 

and fucking be the best there ever was?

fuck. hell no. 

you say its a joke. 

but srsly WHAT THE... 

omg. fuck. 

im going insane. 

its just a huge responsibility that 

im not sure i can undertake at the moment.